my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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