Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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