I'm drive I can fine osifer
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
