sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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