Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
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