Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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