if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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