I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Randomize
