so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
