Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
