You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Randomize