Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Just high enough for therapy.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
