we're chasing vodka with high fives
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
