Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
