i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
