he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
