I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
A+ Viking dick
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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