420 ftw
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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