i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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