Screwed.edu
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
