3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
