I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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