and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Pooping to opera.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
