All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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