Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
