He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
