Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
