i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
