Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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