it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
