why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
