I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
