My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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