Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
