I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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