Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
