Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
