i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
