i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
