sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Randomize
