And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
if only i could text you this smell
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
