please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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