Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize