I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
