What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
