Don't you send me to vm
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Randomize