just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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