Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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