What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
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