She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
