can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
We don't watch enough power rangers
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
