ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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