I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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