His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
