some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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