Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
