I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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