It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
