God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
My vagina is very pro this idea
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
