what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
