so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize