Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
