kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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