singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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