It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
