is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Randomize
