I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
