We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
