Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
