I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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