I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize