A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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