Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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