shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
