I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize