He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Randomize
