how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
