just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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