this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
