I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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