Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
