Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
