I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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