It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
