If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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