Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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