i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
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