Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
this hospital has no fireball
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
