Got a toothbrush?
accomplished twins. life is a go
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
We smell like vodka and hangover
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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