The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
She has the best kind of daddy issues
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
