So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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