I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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