He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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