im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
