I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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