you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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