i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
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