i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
