Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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