It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
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