i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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