why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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