She's JV to your varsity
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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