I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
