i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
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