just come out here and I will go home with you...
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
