Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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