its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
The uberlube is also flammable
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Randomize
