Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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