ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
