Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I want to be your penis for a week.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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