god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I CAN MOONWALK!
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
