hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
