Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
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