I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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