You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
