Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize