i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I know her cup size but not her name....
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