you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
